Losing a loved one

When you lose someone, you love can have such a massive shock on us, which can lead to all sorts of suffering.

I too have experienced so many emotions and feelings when I lost my mother nearly eight years ago now. But it often feels like yesterday.

I took responsibility for looking after my mother, when she started showing signs of age and various complaints / illnesses started happening to her.

I suggested that she should consider selling up and moving in with me and I too would sell up and buy a home suited for both of us to live together, yet still allow her to have her own independence as well.

She lived with me for nearly nine years before she left us for new pastures. We had so many great years together and had so many fabulous holidays etc. Plus, the amount of happy memories, we shared during this time along with all the memories I had experienced throughout my life with her were truly something I will always keep.

There were also so many times and moments along the way, which were also quite challenging and needed care and understanding to deal with. Neither of us were saints and we both had lots of faults as well as many good traits as well.

The last eighteen months of her life were hard not only for her as she became ill and diagnosed with cancer, but also for me who had to take care and nurse her and still hold down a job as well.

I have an unbelievable family who are also so so very supportive and helped keep me sane during this time. But when finally, the day came and my mother passed on, I dealt with all the final arrangements etc to give my mother a lovely send off.

Shortly afterwards I started to feel unwell and unable to function normally and started by getting panic attacks whilst in meetings at work. Which lead to me having to leave the building to get space and fresh air. I also felt palpitations and became very depressed.

This developed into not wanting to leave my house, not even to go the corner shop. To be honest I struggled to stay in control of my emotions and felt like my life was going nowhere. I knew deep within my soul I had to make changes to my life otherwise I was going to continue on a downward slippery sloop, to nowhere….

During this time my employer in particular my management team were truly fantastic and so supportive, which I can’t thank them enough for how they looked after me and my needs.

Well it came to decision time for me and after a lot of care thought and dealing with loads of emotions along the way, I finally decided that I needed to leave my current employment and to start my own coaching practice and to put all the training and experience I had gained over the years to good use.

Lots of emotions were undertaken during this time as family, friends and work colleagues tried to get me to rethink my decision, as I would be giving up a very well paid job with great prospects + bonuses etc. to become self-employed with no guarantee of any monies at all….

Well my existing management team we very understanding and support my decision to leave and thought it was correct for me to try and make a go of it, especially with the skills and experience I had.

So, I left and the rest is history so to speak.

The relief I felt, literally within seconds of giving in my notice to my management team, was to feel like a massive weight had been lifted and a big smile came on my face. My managers who had come to my home to receive my decision. Were shocked to see the difference they saw in me once I had given them my final notice.

I leaped up and said well how about a nice cup of tea + some biscuits then?

Don’t get me wrong it still took me some weeks etc to get myself back on track healthy wise, but I now had focus again and focus with a purpose.

During many months I had taken off work through feeling completely confused and an emotional wreck. I discovered I had had a nervous breakdown and just put it down to feeling a bit depressed etc.

The reason I am putting pen to paper is to dispel all the fears relating to mental illness as there is nothing to be ashamed of. The maturity of people with at some point in their lives suffer from some form of mental illness through just living your life and experiencing its up’s and down’s along life’s journey. No one knows what life has in store for us all.

For all those out there who are struggling with mixed emotions and feel unable to control how they are acting etc. Is seek support from family and friends also seek professional advice as well.

You can get through this with support and understanding, and be kind to yourself you are not a freak, to experience various emotions is normal its part of being human.

So, love yourself and remember to be aware of those around you and do not judge them as none of know what is going on in their lives.

We all need a big Cwtch (Hug) now and then, so be prepared to give others a big Cwtch (Hug) as well.

From someone who has been there and worn the T-Shirt, and who experiences various emotions daily, but these days they are mainly happy one’s.

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